Fetlife Tips for Beginner Kinksters or the Curious – Part 1

 

If you’re going to dip your toe into the world of kink, FetLife is one of the sites that will immediately pop up. It’s basically THE social media site for anything and everything non-vanilla. The problem is, there’s SO much that it can often be overwhelming for newcomers.

 

Here’s a list of tips to get you started and take away some of the intimidation.

 

1. REMEMBER: YOU’RE NORMAL


You might be nervous about creating your account, but know this … there are many more like you in so many ways. You’re not a degenerate or a bad person. This site, despite its flaws, has one thing going for it … it brings people together. Even if you’re just into light spankings on Sundays,  you will probably find an entire group for it. Don’t be scared to join. You can always delete your account if it’s not your cup of tea.

 

2. BROWSE


After you’ve made your account, take some time to look through the interface. Browse images, other’s profiles, various tabs, etc. You can go as far down the rabbit hole as you want (within the browsing limits). Take some time to navigate your settings and other menus associated with your profile etc. This is especially good for knowing what you want to do in the next few steps.

 

3. DECIDE ON YOUR EXPOSURE


Fetlife can be as anonymous as you want. You don’t have to show your face or tell people where you live. You don’t even have to talk to other people. If all you want to do is look at pictures, that’s okay. If you want to go full photographer on your genitals, that’s okay too. Just remember, once it’s out there … it’s out there for good. So take some time to know how much you want to reveal.

 

4. THINK ABOUT YOUR STATUS


You don't have to put anything right off the bat if you’re not sure or don’t want to. However, adding your status, your role, and what you’re looking for can help weed out the people that you might not want to talk to. Example, if you don’t want people inundating you with “be my slave” messages,

 

5. DECIDE ON LOCATION


Again, you don’t HAVE to put this. The running joke is that people who don’t want to put their location will simply put “Antarctica”.

 

6. WRITE YOUR BIO


This one is a bit annoying. You can put lots of time and effort into writing who you are and what you’re looking for, but you will still have people who will skip it entirely and just message you for their own desires. However, that doesn’t mean you should not put anything. You can also change it. I use this as a filter. If I can tell someone put in a few minutes to read about me and see if there is compatibility, then I know they are worth a few minutes of my time – otherwise, I just ignore them.

 

7. ADD A PICTURE


I hate when people don’t add pictures. You don’t have to show your face or all of your body. You also don’t have to load your gallery. But, still, put SOMETHING that involves at least a part of you. If you want your feet worshiped, put your feet. Have someone take a pic that doesn’t reveal your identity. Whatever. For me, no bio pic or just cartoons or porn is a bit of a red flag.

 

8. TAKE THE QUIZ


You might see this link (or the entire results) on someone’s bio. It’s an in-depth quiz that will show you the percentage of whatever role or kink you might have. Example, 90% domme, 80% brat, 20% pet play, etc. It’s just as useful as your bio.

 

9. DON’T PAY YET


If you want to scroll really far down, you have to pay. I would recommend waiting until you know you’re happy with the site and your interactions.

 

10. ADD YOUR KINKS


The kink list is not the same as the kink quiz. If you go to fetlife.com/fetishes/bulk_edit there is a shortlist of options. Or, fetlife.com/fetishes/alphabetized_list will give you a much longer list. Click on whatever fetish or kink you are interested in, click “Add to Profile” under the title, then fill out the two drop-down menus. Voila, more stuff for people to learn about you!

 

11. BE OPEN-MINDED


Being open-minded doesn't mean you have to DO the thing someone else likes. It just means not judging other’s kinks … like you don’t want yours judged. Yes, there’s the SSC and RACK rules that are non-negotiable (e.g. consensual non-consent vs. rape are two totally different things – one is agreed to as a kink or fantasy, the other is illegal and despicable. One belongs on Fetlife, the other belongs in jail).

 

My meaning is there might be some people who like to play with poop. Let them do them and you do you. No need to jump into message boards and getting on a soapbox with things you don’t like. Focus on the things you DO like and find others with the same passions.

 

12. JOIN SOME GROUPS


As I mentioned before, if there is a kink, there is a group for it. Find a couple you like (check if it’s been active lately) and join.

 

13. READ THE RULES


Each group has its own rules. Read them carefully and see if you’re comfortable with them. If not, don’t join. Too many people join mini-communities wanting to morph them into something specifically for THEM. Bad mojo.

 

14. MESSAGE CAREFULLY


You cannot delete conversations. It’s a security feature for the site. So, don’t be an ass. Also, please, please PLEASE, read someone’s bio before you message or add them to your friend list. It’s just polite.

 

15. PREPARE FOR RANDOMNESS


Sigh, even after giving all the useful tips in the world, there will still be people who don’t bother reading anything. For example, I specifically said I was NOT looking for a guy for a certain type of play. Wow, a lot of people said, “I know you said no guys, but will you make an exception for me?”

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

More useful tips in a coming article (Part 2). Feel free to leave more tips in the comments so everyone can benefit!

 

Also, if you want more articles, you might like these…

 

Have a kinky day,

Robyn

EtiquetasFetLife Tips

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